Anniversaries.

It was one year ago today--I can remember it very clearly: I was sitting in a childhood park with a coloring book and an iced tea; in some ways, I think I was trying to transport myself to a simpler time. 

I was almost all alone, but a few tables away there was a couple completely enveloped in their own PDA to notice me while I sobbed, phone in hand. This would be the first time I would say out loud to someone: "...I need help, I think I have depression." 

Depression can take many forms

Fast forward a year later, and I'm currently in a much healthier place; that's not to say that this milestone didn't come without it's challenges and setbacks. Countless therapy appointments, an antidepressant prescription, and a focus on self-care has helped me get back on the right path.

Everyone's journey with mental illness is unique, which means that no treatment plan should be one-size-fits-all. My path so far has had two distinct phases: first it was convincing myself I was worth it with cognitive behavioral therapy against negative self-talk. With consistent practice I  was able to reach a plateau in this aspect.

 After a while, I became more in tune with certain injustices that used to cause me to become flooded with self-doubt. Now instead of questioning myself and reacting submissively, I became very quick to react to situations with aggression or passive-aggressiveness. This was the beginning of my next phase of my treatment: assertiveness training.  

It hasn't been easy, but I've learned that I can say no, that I can stand up for myself, and I can break up with any negativity that is holding me back. 

A year ago I was questioning my competency in my current role, and almost a year later I made the difficult decision to leave my company after 4 years.  After becoming mentally strong enough to begin standing up for myself and others, I underestimated the constant need to do so. I quickly became burnt out and disengaged in my role and asked myself why I was putting up with such behavior to begin with. It was hard to leave others who I know are also struggling behind, but ultimately I had to make a decision that was best for my health and continued growth.

Mental illness can impact anyone, regardless of your socioeconomic status or countless other demographics. The first step towards healing--and often the hardest--is admitting that you need help. It may not feel like it at the time, but you deserve it and things can and will get better.

A year ago I just wanted to hold onto a job--now I'm starting a brand new one and applying to graduate school--things I once thought impossible. 

I will never be cured of my depression, but at least I know I'm on the right path to manage it and continue to live my life to the fullest.